TYPES OF ABUSE!

There are different types of abuse and abusive behaviours, some are easily defined others are more subtle in their expression. Most often they manifest interactively and it can be hard to separate them. Boiled down we can talk about 2 types of abuse, physical and non physical, where physical abuse causes direct physical harm or discomfort to another person, non physical abuse is meant to control the victim through constant name-calling, critcism, threats, guilt-trips... etc.There can be non-physical abuse without physical abuse but where there is physical abuse there always is non-physical abuse too!

Most experts in the field agrees on 6 types of abuse but there are those who differentiate upto 17 or more types, we have listed some here to see what the word of God actually says about them.

• Physical violence: pushing, shoving, pinching, biting, kicking, hitting is easily recognisable as being abusive, but also indirect threats of violence by punching holes in doors, throwing cups, destroying property as scare tactics is also considered physical abuse. Psalm11:5 The Lord tests the righteous but His soul hates the wicked and the ones who loves violence

• Sexual abuse:  often 1Cor7:3-5 is being used to say that there can´t be sexual abuse or rape in marriage, but that is playing fast and lose with the text, first of all the text implies as sex to be mutually agreed upon both it´s absense and it´s presence, further the most erotic book of the bible Songs of Solomon is a highly playfully erotic text that describes sex in marriage to be joyful and respectful with the intention of giving and receiving pleasure, there is absolutely no room for actions that forces hurts or violates the wishes of the other. That means that forced sex or sexual acts that are done against your will is to be defined as abuse. From the same texts we also learn that the opposite is true, withholding or denying sex as a punishment or to get your way can also be part of an abusive behaviour.

• Neglect: neglect is not when you are struggling to make ends meet but when there is means to provide, yet basic things like school, medical care, proper living conditions, suitable clothes, food etc are denied when they could be provided, often neglect and financial abuse goes hand in hand, by the neglect the victim is kept in a begging position both to the offender but also society at large increasing the feeling of isolation and unworthiness. It also keeps the feeling alive that they can´t leave or fend for themselves but is dependent on the abusers goodwill. 1Timothy5:8 tells us "But if anyone does not provide for his own and especially those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
  

• Financial abuse: is one of the most powerful tools to keep a victim trapped in an abusive relationship, with a feeling they can´t practically escape and take care of themselves, through denying access to accounts, being given a strictly monitored budget thats mostly so low it can´t cover the needs, by taking out loans in the victims name, selling of personal belongings, bulding up other consumption debts as credit cards etc in the victims name, having all savings and posessions such as house and cars in the abusers name, even when the victim is earning their own money access to them is denied and any insight in how money is spend is prohibited. If we look at the Proverbs31 woman there is a few lessons to be learned about money within marriage, there is talk about a mutual increase and gain, there is a focus on securing and building the household, there is a transparency and openness between the spouses that is expressed in trust and reputation as well as words of praise.

• Social abuse (or isolation): aims to cut you off from your family, friends, or community. It can also involve trying to damage your relationships with others. People who are socially abusive may also attempt to make you look bad or ruin your reputation so you can´t establish new relationships or they can cause you to lose your job. Paul repeatedly in his epistles talks about all believers as 1 body that should be encouraged to live in fellowship,that we are to learn from one another Titus2, from that we can establish that God encourages us to have relations outside our marriages, relations that are to build us up in faith and strengthen us in times of need. Galatians6:2 "carry one anothers burdens in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ" 

• Mental abuse: is designed to destroy your selfesteem and make you doubt your own ability to make decisions. It is tailored to control your way of thinking to a point where your understanding of reality is manipulated by the abuser. Ephesians4:29 let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up , as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. 

• Emotional abuse: is closely connected to mental abuse but here it is your feeling of deserving to be loved that is attacked and undermined. It can not only bring you to feel that you are not worthy of being loved but it also makes you feel that your love for others isn´t good enough, as well as it invalidates all your other feelings such as fear, sadness, anger, happiness so that you will doubt if your feelings are real.  Ephesians5:28-29 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies;he who loves his wife loves himself, for noone ever hated his own but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
  

• Criminal abuse: can be both by knowledge or participation, if you are forced to be in an environment where criminal acts is the norm or if you are forced to participate, whether it is stealing, prostitution, selling drugs or any other criminal act that potentially could make you liable in a court of law. God clearly tells us that such actions is against His will both in the 10 commandments and in Romans13:1-7 we are instructed to submit to the laws of the land.

• Religious abuse:  is when scripture or doctrines are wrongfully applied and used to force the other to behave a certain way or to make them accept other ongoing abuse, phrases often used is "God hates divorce, wives shall submit" or "you don´t lead like Christ so I don´t have to submit" no matter what is said to reach the goal of controlling the other person, it defies the sanctity of marriage to be a reflection of the Godhead 1Cor11:3 and an expression of the gospel Eph5:22-33.

• Spiritual abuse: is also a form of religious abuse but we separate them since this is manifested different, by denying or limiting a persons ability to excercise their faith, this can be done directly and outspoken, it can be done by ridiculing and patronising someone for their beliefs or it can be done by consistently making plans that interfere with service, prayermeetings etc. Scripture doesn´t specifically mention this type of abuse but if we look at Solomon who married unbelievers and the consequences, together with 1Cor7:12-15 that talks about unbelieving spouses, we see a pattern where God wishes for us to be in a marriage where we can freely worship and glorify Him.

• Adultery: Ongoing adultery in any form must be defined as abusive, not only does it interact with several of the other types of abuse but scripture also defines it as violence in Malachi2. Adultery is in scripture defined as any sexual attention to someone not being your spouse Matt5:28 but also as sexual immorality Matt5:32,19:9. Often the adulterer will try to defend themselves and justify their cheating by blaming their spouse or the marriage, but Matthew and Malachi are clear that it is the adulterer who carries the sin.

• Verbal abuse: is part of all abuse in one way or the other, verbal abuse is a range of words or behaviors used to manipulate, intimidate, and maintain power and control over someone. These include threats, insults, humiliation and ridicule, the silent treatment, and attempts to scare, isolate, and control. There is more than 60 passages in the bible talking about the importance of controlling our tongues, it even says the tongue can bring life or death Proverbs18:21. James1:26 tells us that our position with God is compromised if we abuse others verbally.

• Self-harm:   how romantic it may sound when someone says "I can´t live without you" when it becomes direct threats of killing or otherwise causing harm to one-self if the other leaves or does certain actions it becomes abusive, it can even go to the point of actually causing harm to one-self or neglecting ones own wellbeing so that the victim will feel responsible and the abuser can prove to both the victim and others just how innocent and good s/he is. Christ taught us the contrary, that we should live for each other as He did and that we should be willing to give up our own comfort for the good of others, John15:13 says "no greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for his friends" this doesn´t only refer to dying for the good of others but as Christ gave up His own comfort and glory to take on human form and walk amongst us, likewise we are to give up our wellbeing and comfort to promote and bring joy to others, not as a means to keep them in debt or control them.